


I want you and him

by Lljung



Category: GOT7
Genre: Ambiguous Relationship, M/M, Polyamory, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lljung/pseuds/Lljung
Summary: Mark has accepted that he loves Yugyeom and Bambam. He wants them. As simply as that.Life is not that easy, though.





	I want you and him

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this is purely self indulgence story so it will be shit and because after all the markbam and the serious lack of yugbam moment lately, this just fits my mood right now.

Yugyeom and Bambam are best friends, slash fuck buddies, everyone knows about the first part, and the later part only be known to limited people around them. They're in the phase where they are catching a feeling for each other but neither has the courage to bring the matter up, although both know. Both of them are content to stay like that in the end. It's comfortable like that, there's no need for label aside from best friend, it's enough that they understand each other like they know the palm of their own hands.

What they don't know is Mark always watches them from the sidelines, watches how everything evolves between the two best friends, knows it more than themselves. Mark watches them quietly, never interfere between the two young soul, but it does not mean he had nothing to do with them. On the contrary, what happens between them has everything to do with Mark. Because while he watches them, being worry about them, being their confidant in a way, he accidentally falls for them. Yes, both of them.

He loves them as his brothers, at first, but seeing their relationships develops, he kinds of falling for the process. One night, he suddenly realizes he wants them, not because he wants the relationship, but he wants everything, every little thing of them, as person, as boyfriends, as a friends, as a brothers, everything. He falls for them hard, and he wants to laugh out loud at that. What a mess he has been created for himself.

It doesn't mean he wants to do something about it. No. What the two youngest have between themselves is already too complicated he does not want to add more to the already tangled thread. But he's a human, human tends to make mistakes, and that's what he has done. A big mistake.

 

It happens when Bambam comes to him one night, drunk, and Mark should not take advantage of him, but when Bambam says between his lips that he wants it, who is he to resist? 

It leads to good things at first, because Bambam finally realizes his feelings for him, even Mark manages to clarify that it was not only him he falls in love with, but also Yugyeom. And Bambam understands that, they're on the same page about that.

Everything seems fine after that, nothing changes much, Yugyeom and Bambam still as couply as ever even though they never admit they are boyfriends and Mark still hangs out with them mostly. It's just sometimes, when Yugyeom is going to the bathroom, or getting a snack from the kitchen while Bambam and Mark stays on the living room, Bambam will bow down from his couch to Mark who’s sitting on the carpet and gives him a little peck, then Bambam smiles at him so beautifully it hurts so much that he won't get the same smile from Yugyeom. Or, when Mark and Bambam are waiting for Yugyeom in the hall before they heads out to wherever they are going to, they will be pressed up on a wall having from light to heavy make out. Or, when Bambam will make Mark walks in the middle between him and Yugyeom so he can naturally hold both of their hands, then gives him a conspiratorial wink. 

 

Between those secrets intimate exchange, they promise each other they will told Yugyeom and talk about it, they just haven't find the right time yet.

 

Unfortunately, the right time never comes. Bambam was sitting on Mark's lap, their lips locked and they're too immersed in their kiss they do not notice Yugyeom comes. Guilt must be visible on their face it reflects on Yugyeom’s face, it breaks his heart how Yugyeom's face contorts in betrayal and Mark never feels this bad he wants the world to swallow him alive. And it hurts much, much more when several beats after, Yugyeom schools his face to neutral, as if nothing happens.

"Well, next time, warn a guy please," he laughed forcibly, "I'm.. I guess I will just leave you alone so you can continue what you do." Yugyeom's laughter rings hollow and Mark feels like he has an out of body experience, this can't be happening.

Yugyeom backs off hurriedly as if to stay in there together  with them stings and Mark couldn't blame anyone but himself for what has happened.

 

Both of them don't know what to do, so they just stand there before Bambam breaks the silence with his soft sobs. Thus, Mark cries too, silently, like he does most of the time. Both can’t afford to reach each other or to comfort one another, because even if it's hurt, it will feel too much like a betrayal when they have each other while Yugyeom is out there alone.

Mark decides he needs to go home, he wants to be in the comfort of his familiar bed, buried under his sheet, never going out ever again. He wants to hug Bambam before he goes out, but Bambam has a rage in his eyes, whether it is for him or himself, he has no idea, but he's afraid to figure out if he touches him. Without a word, Mark leaves.

 

 

Yugyeom has never thought broken heart can be this bad, now he understands why there are a lot of people doing stupid things when they're broken hearted. He just realizes how much he loves Bambam when his heart feels like it's been ripped out of his body the moment he saw Bambam sit on Mark's lap, them kissing passionately. He always thinks it was only for him, Bambam’s kiss, but apparently not. He chuckles. Of course it's not, they're not boyfriends. They’ve never stated they will stay exclusive for each other. So, it's not Bambam's fault if he's falling in love (his heart clenched painfully at the thought) with another guy, and it's Mark. Of course, Mark is a great guy. Always been a good hyung for them, and Yugyeom can't blame Bambam falling for him. 

Yugyeom feels angry for days after that he refuses to talk to them, because it hurts when you fail for your best friend but he falls for someone else, and that someone else is his friend too, and neither of them bother to tell him. But as his head cools down, he is a little thankful that it's Mark, because he's sure Mark will make Bambam happy.

There's one thing he needs to sort out though. After some thinking, wallowing himself in the past memories of him and Bambam, Yugyeom notices Bambam still touches him in a ‘not friend' ways, even when he probably has a relationship with Mark. He doesn't know when their relationship starts, but it should be way before last week, the last time him and Bambam has sex, and it's wrong. Bambam shouldn't do it. A new surge of anger comes, this time is for stupid Bambam and his horny ass, doesn't he realize that he is basically cheating on Mark? 

Yugyeom comes to a conclusion. Forget about his own heart break, he has locked it up, buried it deep down no one know how shattered his heart is. What he needs to do now is cutting things clear with Bambam. He needs to stop their fuckbuddies things, so he calls Bambam for the first time in a week. He's proud of himself that he can talk to him in steady voice, explaining why they have to end their fuckbuddies arrangement, even he scolds Bambam for being stupid and how betrayed he feels that he doesn't know what's going on between him and Mark.

It is weird because Bambam mostly was silent, and when he said sorry as Yugyeom finished his talk, his voice is wavery and Yugyeom just can't hear that,, so he said goodbye and congratulate him on his new relationship with Mark before he hurriedly end the call.

His heart beats so fast it may comes out of his ribs, and no matter how deep he burried it, he still feels it. The pain, it's never gone or forgotten.

 

 

Everything is his fault, Bambam thinks. If only he says the truth since the beginning. But he's a coward, and he's a selfish man, he wants both of them. Mark was so handsome that night, and he's drunk, he's needy, and Mark wants him too. He knows it's not fair for Yugyeom. He's basically cheating on him but Bambam always told himself that he's not cheating, because Mark also love Yugyeom, they just haven't tell him that. And he also knows it's not fair for Mark who wants to be with Yugyeom too but Bambam is too afraid he will lose Yugyeom if they brings that out to Yugyeom, because this thing, is not Yugyeom things. He won't understand. On the other side, he also wants Mark. So he keeps Mark with little touches when they're together with Yugyeom, and sometimes fuck him when Yugyeom is not around. He is greedy, he probably will lose both of them, and he deserves it, he thinks. Yugyeom has called him And ended things between them. He used to hope someday tgey will have a courage to come out and saying their love to each other, but now it's over. He has broken Yugyeom’s heart and their chance has gone. Now Yugyeom thinks he's in love with Mark and he wished them the best on top of that. As if he could be with Mark and be happily ever after.

Bambam is not stupid. Mark always loves Yugyeom more, ever since they first met. Yugyeom is the foundation of their relationship before they fall for each other, and even when they romantically involved with each other, there's always be Yugyeom between them. Bambam knows how much Mark wants Yugyeom, yearn for him, and not even Bambam could give it to him.

 

 

Yugyeom comes over to Bambam’s house a week after, like nothing happens for the past week. he might lose his lover (it sounds bitter on his mind because before that incident, he never thought of Bambam as his lover because Bambam is just Bambam, someone he couldn't breathe without), but he does not want to lose his bestfriends too. And he wants to stay being their bestfriend too so what he should do is supporting them. He always thinks if you love someone you have to fight for them, but he learns that sometimes the situation doesn't let you do whatever you want and that's life. We get shit and there's nothing we can do about it.

They are awkward at first but if Yugyeom doesn't think much about his broken heart or the last accident, he can pretend he just hanging around at Bambam’s house like he usually do. He occupies the largest sofa and spreads out his limb as if he belongs there, watching his favorite drama on Bambam’s much bigger tv screen.

"Do you have milk?" Yugyeom asks, partly because he can't stand the silence between them aside from the noise from the television, partly because that's what he usually does, and Bambam always buys his favorite milk in case Yugyeom wants them when he comes over and they both too lazy to go out.

He can feel Bambam swallows audibly before he answers, "yeah... I bought it yesterday."

Yugyeom's throat suddenly feels tight and his eyes hot. Even when Yugyeom was mad at him, Bambam still  doesn't forget to prepare his milk just in case Yugyeom would come over. Bambam has and will always be his best friend, it does not matter if he didn't tell him about Mark he probably has a reason. Yugyeom feels bad for throwing a tantrum and giving  him silent treatment for a week.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, I guess I was just shocked and well, you guys didn't tell me anything I feel left out. I shouldn't do that though. And like I said on the phone, I really don't mind with both of you being boyfriends, really. I will be happy if you guys happy too."

"But we're not what you think we are."

"Bambam, are you trying to tell me you did that for fun? Like we used to do?" Yugyeom sighed. "You may not realize your own feeling right now, but I know Mark hyung has a thing for you. It's okay you might still tries things out, but don't play around with him, bam. Please. He's a great guy and he's our friend. Think about it carefully before you saying it around that you have nothing going on with him. He might get hurt. If you like him, go for it, if you're not then make it clear." Yugyeom ends his speech in serious tone.

Bambam averts his eyes when Yugyeom tries to look at him in the eyes."I know," was his only answer.

Yugyeom thinks at least he got his points across and decides to let it slide. He's here to get his friends back and having a good time. By the end of the night, they fall asleep on the couch in uncomfortable tangled limbs but they're already deep in sleep.

 

 

Mark is invited to a sleepover at Bambam’s house, there's Yugyeom too, just like the old time. It's  actually only a month ago since their last sleepover, but the past three weeks feels like forever for him, after that accident. The fact that he already break two hearts at once, and it's people he loves the most, always weighted him down. It's a burden he had to shoulder every time he wakes up, and he sometimes found himself crying in the shower at the fact that Yugyeom will never be his. He wishes he can fix it, but he can't. He can't going in between Yugyeom and Bambam without damaging  it further.

Every night he thinks about a lot of if only, if only he was careful and not let Yugyeom find out them in that position, if only he didn't have sex with Bambam, if only he didn't fall for them, but all those thoughts always end up with if only he could have both of them.

Their first sleep over after the fight is successful. They skit around each other at first but soon they fall back to their old rhythm, thanks to the stack of games and anime Yugyeom and Mark have brought.

 

 

They're back as a unit of friends. The troublemaker Yugyeom and Bambam, and the silent Mark who watch over them, laugh at them, but also restrain them from going too far. There's a difference their circle of friends notice, though. Yugyeom and Bambam is not attached to the hip like they used to be. 

When Jinyoung jokingly asked about it, Yugyeom playfully answers, "Bambam is now Mark hyungs property, I don't want him to get jealous and throw his laptop on me."

Mark immediately tenses, he kind of  expects the mood will drop, but Youngjae , always the loudest, screams 'What' and almost chokes on his food. So,  everyone fusses over him and Mark tries to relax when he sees Yugyeom laughing at youngjae. And because Youngjae laughing too after he catches his breath again and his laugh is contagious, the table soon fills with laughter. 

Everyone is  back to their own food again when Jaebum confirms to Mark, "is it true?"

But Mark can't answer it for himself so he looks at Bambam and Bambam nods in affirmation. “Yeah… it’s been a while. 

Jackson immediately whistles, Jinyoung shows his disbelief in theatrical act, Jaebum just nods, Youngjae immediately congratulates them, and Yugyeom, he has a small smile while looking at Bambam in pride, then grins at him. Mark catches the hurt in his eyes when he bites back at his food, though, and a knife is stabbed on his heart once again.

 

 

Mark and Bambam has been trying to keep it going between them, because Yugyeom wants them to be happy, and he always look at them approvingly when they did something sweet as a couple, Yugyeom does everything to support them and they don't have a heart to break his heart once again, but they can't pretend that there's always something feels missing. And they both know it, they need Yugyeom. No matter how much sex they had or how many times I love you they said to each other, it never feels complete when there's no Yugyeom.

And Mark knows, Yugyeom still loves Bambam. He may conceal it from the world, but Mark has learned how to read him, even he has known Yugyeom loved Bambam far before Yugyeom himself realize it. But what can he do? Does he have to step aside and let Bambam back to Yugyeom. Is it possible? Is he ready to lose Bambam too?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please don't curse at me.


End file.
